I wrote the piece below for a local magazine a couple of years ago, but as the Old Peak Road story in last weekend’s Sunday Morning Post showed, the issue of psychotic town planning is still very much alive.

A pedestrian trying to cross the road in Hong Kong yesterday
OFF THE RAILS
By our business reporter Pete Spurrier
Champagne flowed freely at the Stock Exchange on Monday on the occasion of Hong Kong’s biggest IPO yet. The initial offering in Grey Metal Railings (HK) Ltd. was oversubscribed 17 times — coincidentally the same number of sooty fences this reporter had to climb over to get anywhere near the building.
“This is a testament to the strong demand for our product,” announced the company’s beaming CEO, Mr Frankly Irksome, clinking champagne flutes with a bevy of well-fed well-wishers. “The HKSAR Government is of course our only customer, but their appetite for our railings is apparently insatiable, and so we predict a rosy future for profits.”
The CEO went on to describe the secret behind his success. “It has been made known to us that the government has allocated 38 sections of metal railing for every citizen. The only question for us is where we put them. Of course, that’s where the fun comes in.”
Onlookers laughed as Mr Irksome recalled some of the crazy places his colleagues had blighted with irritating barriers.
“We’ve become experts at stopping people getting where they want to go in the urban area. But one of our favourite operations was on Cheung Chau, where we managed to install three parallel rows of fencing between a coastal footpath and the beach.
“We’ve done the same thing at Fenwick Pier in Wanchai, and successfully prevented sightseers from enjoying the harbour. But we’ve also extended our remit by placing railings along the length of pedestrianized roads and paths, particularly in Sheung Wan and Mid-Levels, that have never seen traffic!
“Elderly residents of these streets have to walk miles out of their way to cross the road, and frequently have to climb awkward footbridges in hot weather. It’s all part of our commitment to the Fitness in the Community scheme.
“We’ve also benefited from other helpful support schemes, such as the Offensively Low-Quality Materials Fund, the Campaign to Give Right of Way to Expensive Cars, and the Replace Granite Steps with Scraped Cement Initiative.”
Members of the construction industry and roads lobby gave a hearty round of applause and moved off in the direction of the buffet table. (more…)